3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
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I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
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Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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