loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
