I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
