Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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