Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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