he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
