last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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