Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
