It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
