Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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