I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
