My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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