If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Sorry about my life...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
