so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
