Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
