i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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