You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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