Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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