i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I wish they made helmets for livers.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
