What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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