Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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