I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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