I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
