1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
