well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
