Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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