Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
