i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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