people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
