he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
