girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
