This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
