in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
she pinky promised me she was 18
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
