What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
