Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
