I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
