i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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