i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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