I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
