imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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