New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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