Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
