The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
