I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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