He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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