Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
