i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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