nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
