Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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