Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
