I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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