Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
