I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I am mentally ready for anal.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
