you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
