please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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