We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
