ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
