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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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