I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
