Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
