ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
