i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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