Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
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