Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
