Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
