i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
it's like iHOP with fire
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
