Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
