I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
