I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
