rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
