I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
