woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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